The importance of routines

Dear Deb,

I know routines are important for preschoolers. What about my school aged child?

Where do I start?

Signed,

Betty

Dear Betty,

Routines are important for all of us. Adults too! Routines provide structure to our day and help us get our tasks and jobs completed. As children get older, they are often able to adapt more easily to change but there are still benefits to having routines in the home.

Involve Them

First, with school aged children we want to involve them in the process of establishing routines for a few reasons. One, because they will be more committed to an idea they contributed to and two, because these are life long negotiation, problem solving and team work skills that will help them succeed later in life.

Family Meetings

Sit down once a week, or month, as a family and decide what tasks or jobs need to be done and how everyone can work together to get these responsibilities accomplished. At first, you will need to provide the structure and lead the meeting. With time, allow your child to “chair” the meeting. Take notes and post them where everyone can see them. (Be sure to start your family meetings on a positive note of what is going well in the family before you address the areas of change and growth).

Family Expectations or Rules

Be clear about your family expectations and rules and what will happen if the rules are not followed (Discuss consequences in advance and have your children suggest what the consequences will be). Whenever possible, have the consequence “related” to the rule broken. For example if the family rule is one hour of television per night, then if they watch more than an hour, remove the privilege of watching TV the next night (Making them do the dishes is not related).

Use a Problem Solving Model

State Your Child’s View
State Your View
Define the Problem
Brainstorm Ideas

Choose one idea that works for everyone

For example, if mornings are a troublesome time, use this model to help solve the problem.

State Your Child’s Point of View

You believe you don’t have enough time in the bathroom in the morning and that is why we are late and arguing. You feel blamed.

State Your View

I worry we won’t get to school and work on time so I start to give reminders (seen as nagging).

Brainstorm

Everyone wakes up a half hour earlier
Set times for everyone in the bathroom
Have showers the night before.
Get dressed, do hair, makeup in our rooms.
Use a code work “Bubbles” when getting frustrated.
Use a Five Minute Warning when we are leaving.

Choose option (one or two to try for a week)

Let’s all try and get up a half hour earlier for one week and see if that helps. Mom will also be calm and clear with her Five Minute Warning.

Try these strategies to create workable and respectful routines with you school-aged child. I invite you to join our next “Parenting your School Aged Child” group to address similar issues starting:

Tuesday, October 22nd, 2009

7:00 - 9:30 p.m.

Rockway Public School, Kitchener

Hope you join us.

Parenting Groups

Visit our “Parent Education Groups” to see which group and schedule fit best for you.

Happy Parenting,

Deb