Preschoolers - A time for routines

Dear Deb,

How do I start to establish routines and structure for my 3 year old.

Signed,
Time for Routines

Dear Time for Routines,

Thank you for bringing up a timely topic around establishing routines.  Routines are very important for our children and families, especially when there can be so much change going on in a family (for example; divorce, moving, immigrating, Christmas holidays, summer vacation, cultural celebrations, etc).  Children not only need routines, but most preschoolers actually thrive on some form of routine.  That is not to say that rigid time schedules need to be in place every day(Up at 8:00am, Get dressed at 8:10am, etc).  Routines do need to have some flexibility.  Generally, a child’s day needs to flow from one activity to another so that the child learns lifelong skills and beings to build trust and anticipate what will come next in their day. 

Here are some tips for establishing routines for preschoolers:

Give Reminders – At bedtime, we put our pajamas on, brush our teeth, and sit on the potty.  Remember not too many reminders at once – three is enough.

Invite Cooperation – Kids want to cooperate.  Ask for their help.  “What needs to happen this morning before we leave for preschool?”

Be Clear – Even preschoolers know when the expectations are changing.  Use the “when-then” strategy.  “When you put your toys in the toy box, then you can go outside”.  If needed, repeat the exact same statement over and over. Avoid lecturing or nagging.

Be Consistent – If we have reminded out preschooler of the 3 steps for bed (PJ’s, potty, teeth), we can’t just skip teeth some nights.  Be consistent!

Keep it Short and Sweet – We don’t need to give long explanations to establish routines.  “Coat, Hat, Mitts” is often enough.

Model the Way – If you’ve asked them to get their coat, hat and boots on, you can do the same right beside them, at the same time, to model for them.

Give Choice – Preschoolers need some control in their life too.  They feel empowered and respected when they are the decision makers.  An example, “Do you want to wear your dinosaur shirt or construction shirt?”  (Make sure your choices are equivalent or fair).  Do you want pudding or fruit is an equivalent type of choice.  Do you want dessert or “no dessert” may be seen more like a punishment or reward.

Stay Firm and Calm – State your expectations in a calm, yet firm voice.  Yelling just gives the message that your anger is in control and not you.  That scares children.  If you need a break – take one.  Breathe.  Calm down and come back. 

Eye Level – Whenever possible get down to their eye level to maintain good eye contact and show you care. 

Two on Board – if there are two parents or caregivers in your child’s life, sit down and discuss your co-parenting strategy.  Establishing routines will be much easier for the child and yourself if you work as a united team.  

When Establishing Routines, it will take some time, but with clear expectations and consistency, your preschooler will be cooperating in no time. 
I would like to personally invite you to our next preschoolers parent education group:

Parenting Preschoolers
Tuesdays, October 13 - November 17, 2009
9:30 - 11:30a.m.
Mill-Courtland Community Centre, Kitchener
Register online at www.kwcounselling.com or call 519-884-0000.
Hope you join us.

Parenting Groups

Visit our “Parent Education Groups” to see which group and schedule fit best for you.

Happy Parenting,

Deb